something i wrote this morning/part of a correspondence…

“you do not have to worry about being self-obsessed and i don’t think it’s nuts to compare your performances to site-specific art. i have a hard time articulating myself concisely but here goes- i’ve been dwelling a lot on schizophrenic/rhizomatic thinking and drawing associations to and influence from everywhere and not establishing hierarchies between influence and creation. i appreciate the vast pool of influence you pull from and i think it’s what makes your creative output so powerful and so hard to pin down, genrewise (which is what i like about it). you’d think that occupying space and forcing the audience to be present would be a cornerstone of punk or whatever, but people do become super jaded and constrain their expressions to what’s accepted in those spaces (mosh, throw stuff, yell, stand around with crossed arms, etc.) The smoke bomb idea was a good one, a sweet visual, and (although i think shows should be safe(r) spaces and comfortable in that respect) an element of discomfort during performances is refreshing.

on the topic of perception, to reflect on if an audience ‘got it’ can be so disempowering (i kind of hate talking about dis/empowerment because of its overuse/ latent phobia of being labeled as ‘one of those’ feminists- something i need to unpack- but it’s apt, i think) especially when the performer views themselves through the eyes of the worst possible audience member. on a small, non-art scale, i’ve been struggling (since forever) with the image i project and although i sometimes feel powerful when i am visibly queer, dirty, and stink, i also mimic the cultural forces i feel telling me to clean up my act, suck in my gut, put on a bra. i’ve been thinking about this article by my old roommate jackie wang about polluting white space and mark aguhar and want to dwell on some of the points they make without being appropriative (i have some things easier on account of my whiteness) here’s a quote from jackie (specifically referencing textual spaces, but i find it universally applicable), “you have to muster all the energy you’ve got to work against the toxicity of these spaces.” and from mark, “my body is a matter of public discourse for both positive and negative reasons… privacy is a privilege… visibility is beautiful.” i know your letter wasn’t about the body as a site of discourse but i see similarities in challenging the (straight dude) status quo of how musicians/performers should engage/offend/ what senses should be activated by performance in a show setting. i don’t know how applicable all this stuff i’ve written is to yr life and work, but i hope you continue to develop your ideas about occupying space in discomforting but also respectful* or at least innovative ways. i hope that makes sense.”

* reference to ‘harmless’ vs ‘harmful’ land art (the latter being destructive/ disrespectful)